“The story of a mother’s life: Trapped between a scream and a hug.” ~Cathy Guisewite
Twenty-three years ago, today, I lay broken in a hospital bed.
Forty-eight hours after giving birth to my firstborn.
My room was filled with brightly colored flowers, symbols of celebration and sadness.
I wailed when I opened the Mother’s Day card a friend sent me.
“But I’m not a mother. My baby’s dead.”
A mother’s greatest fear, her deepest sorrow…
Failure. I failed to protect the life entrusted to me.
The following year, which also happened to be Mother’s Day and May 12, I was home.
In that twelve months’ span, I’d born the hopes and dreams of another conception.
I’d faced the disappointments, devastation, and shattered dreams that came when I miscarried in the beginning of the second month.
On that second Mother’s Day, I sat on the floor of my bedroom and wept over a cardboard box.
The container that held the only memories I thought I’d ever have with my Gavin.
I was a mother without a child.
And I was a woman, with yet another babe nestled deep in my womb…
In the midst of tears and utter turmoil, there was also joy.
Happy happened, just as the proverbial shit had happened.
For all you moms whose children have died too soon, know this: You are a mom. Always. Forever. And no matter what.
* * *
I have documented so many fleeting moments of happiness this week!
Not that I don’t usually acknowledge more than one instance, but I don’t usually end up stopping to photograph and/or log them all.
So, here’s this week in review!
One of Warren’s favorite things! We put the boat in the water for the first time. Glorious sunshine!
Warren’s happiness is contagious!
I couldn’t resist turning my car around to watch this frolicking little foal
I actually had the time to prepare this Mexican meatloaf for dinner one night.
And, I made another for the freeze, ensuring future smiles!
Hanging baskets for our porch bring daily smiles
Apple blossoms that haven’t bloomed in years
And then, today, a beautiful and relaxing day with my family.
Not to mention a few gifts to add a little extra love, pampering, and confirmation that my kids love me in all moments between the hugs and the screams…
Happy Mother’s Day to all you fabulous women out there!
What moments of delight brought a smile to your face this week? Share them here and enlighten someone’s else’s day!