What’s in Your Mother’s Day Heart?

Annah Elizabeth Holidays & Celebrations, Loss, Grief, and Healing, Mental Health, Parenting Leave a Comment

Dearest Neighbor, if today–Mother’s Day–you are somehow feeling sad, mad, shame, depressed, deprived, or less than special, you are not alone. I feel you. I see you. I honor and salute you, all of you who carry a mother’s love in your heart, but may not be able to show or share it because something is standing between you and that nurturing. Two decades ago, as we were leaving the funeral for my son, Gavin Michael, my good friend said to me, “You’re a great mom, and he’s so lucky to have you.” It took me a few years to recognize that even though I didn’t have the opportunity to do the traditional “Mom” things, I was his mother in so many ways, ways that were merely (and vastly) different than what we humans expect or envision about Motherhood. In the years since, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on my friend’s proclamation, and the terms Mom and Motherhood have taken on an entirely new depth for me.

A Mother’s Day Tragedy and a Birth-Death Day Celebration

Annah Elizabeth Family, Gavin, Loss, Grief, and Healing, Parenting 2 Comments

Dear Neighbor, Twenty-eight years ago, a miracle happened when a child was born. When you think about everything that must occur prior to any birth, the precise nature of so many scientific details, every delivery is miraculous. When I began writing this post, I realized that twenty-eight years ago, at the exact same hour, I was timing and logging contractions …

Wrapping Up and Resetting

Annah Elizabeth Happy Happens ™, Loss, Grief, and Healing, Mental Health 2 Comments

Happy Sunday, Journeyer! As I typed those words, I thought about how some of us might not consider Sunday a happy day. As I do when I have thoughts like that, I asked myself why? The first thing that came to my mind was a co-worker’s reply to my greeting last Monday. “Good morning, did you have a nice weekend?” …

Mother’s Day Alone and a Divine Appointment

Annah Elizabeth Happy Happens ™, Loss, Grief, and Healing, Parenting 2 Comments

Good morning, Journeyer, And for all of you who are mothers–be it in your head, in your heart, or in your home–happy Mother’s Day. I’ve been having a hard time this past week and yesterday was a mixed bag of emotions. On the one side, Beauty’s college graduation filled me with an abundance of Mama Pride and an unbridled joy …

What Kind of Mother Has No Child 2016

Annah Elizabeth Child Loss, Family, Loss, Grief, and Healing, Parenting 6 Comments

Dear Journeyer, On  May 8, 2015, I wrote this letter to you. I’m re-sharing it now, with a few time-related updates, because I feel it bears repeating again and again, year after year, until it has reached every single woman who has ever experienced the physical death of a child or the death of her Motherhood dream. Please share it with …

What Kind of Mother Has No Child?

Annah Elizabeth Child Loss, Grief, Loss, Grief, and Healing, Parenting, The Five Facets of Healing ™ 6 Comments

Two of my cards are in the mail, the third is filled out and waiting for Warren to read. Radio stations are running contests while television commercials are packed with everything from flowers to chocolate to fine jewelry. Everyone wants us to remember our mothers, to pay tribute to women everywhere, females who know what that classroom is all about… …

What Kind of Mother?

Annah Elizabeth Leave a Comment

  Two a.m. Twenty-four years ago. One of the most equally exciting and excruciating times of my life began: Child labor. Some thirteen hours later, time that included sleep in spits and spurts, the timing and logging of contraction intensity and duration, a full breakfast, and a walk in the overcast, cold and drizzling day, my firstborn arrived into this …

Motherhood and a Week of Wondrous Moments

Annah Elizabeth 2 Comments

“The story of a mother’s life: Trapped between a scream and a hug.” ~Cathy Guisewite  Twenty-three years ago, today, I lay broken in a hospital bed. Forty-eight hours after giving birth to my firstborn. My room was filled with brightly colored flowers, symbols of celebration and sadness. I wailed when I opened the Mother’s Day card a friend sent …

Trash, Twenty-Three Candles, Heavenly Hugs, and a Pizza

Annah Elizabeth Leave a Comment

Today, we celebrated my eldest’s twenty-third birthday. For some reason, this one is the most dreamlike. Big Guy, Warren, and I sat in the hot tub last night, figuring out how we were going to shape Gavin’s special day. I’ve been listening all week to advertisements for our city’s annual, Downtown cleanup event. I’ve accompanied my children and swept many …

Digging for the Light, Excerpt 1

Annah Elizabeth Leave a Comment

My last post was about hummingbirds and was included in the Happy Happenssegment of this blog.The following excerpt relates to the day after my Gavin’s first birthday, my second Mother’s Day. * * *   The date was Sunday, May 12, 1991. Mother’s Day. I spent that day, the one that should have been my second Mother’s Day, weeping.Over a …