Knowing what you don’t want can lead you to what you DO want. Knowing what you do want leads you to what you can do. Shifting to an “I can” mindset creates healing.
Dearest Neighbor, if today–Mother’s Day–you are somehow feeling sad, mad, shame, depressed, deprived, or less than special, you are not alone. I feel you. I see you. I honor and salute you, all of you who carry a mother’s love in your heart, but may not be able to show or share it because something is standing between you and that nurturing. Two decades ago, as we were leaving the funeral for my son, Gavin Michael, my good friend said to me, “You’re a great mom, and he’s so lucky to have you.” It took me a few years to recognize that even though I didn’t have the opportunity to do the traditional “Mom” things, I was his mother in so many ways, ways that were merely (and vastly) different than what we humans expect or envision about Motherhood. In the years since, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on my friend’s proclamation, and the terms Mom and Motherhood have taken on an entirely new depth for me.
Dear Neighbor, Twenty-eight years ago, a miracle happened when a child was born. When you think about everything that must occur prior to any birth, the precise nature of so many scientific details, every delivery is miraculous. When I began writing this post, I realized that twenty-eight years ago, at the exact same hour, I was timing and logging contractions … Read More
Dearest Neighbor, A question of the ages, spoken by nearly every human that ever walked this earth. Though the query has been asked in countless ways, they all boil down to one ultimate question: “How do we quantify love?” “How can I possibly love another as much as I did my first?” Parents ponder this when thinking about or expecting … Read More
Dearest Neighbor, First, I’m sorry for your loss and your heartache. Please know that, though it might sometimes feel like you are all alone, you have a world of support to help you in your grief and beyond. Will your grief last forever? It doesn’t have to, Journeyer, but it all depends on you. In the 5 Steps of Healing, … Read More
“Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.” ~ Lady Bird Johnson, Former First Lady Like yours, our family always had something happening. School and school functions to meet those academic, social, and physical facet needs. Recreational sports and leisure activities to nurture those physical, social, spiritual, and emotional needs. … Read More
Dearest Journeyer, You know that person whose smile is so bright it lights up a room? The kind of person with a warm hug or firm handshake and a laugh that comes from deep within? The person who knows how to pick you up when you need a helping hand to lift you from the floor of devastation or one … Read More
Even though it’s been twenty-seven years since my firstborn’s arrival into this world, I remember how eternal those weeks following his birth were. Like many moms do, I swayed in the rocker at the foot of the crib we’d so lovingly adorned the nursery with. I twisted the dial on the bed chamber’s musical mobile and awaited its soothing melodies. I … Read More
Dear Journeyer, On May 8, 2015, I wrote this letter to you. I’m re-sharing it now, with a few time-related updates, because I feel it bears repeating again and again, year after year, until it has reached every single mother who has ever experienced the physical death of a child or the death of her Motherhood dream. Please share it with every … Read More
Happy Sunday, Journeyer, It has been a rough two weeks, a sort of calm before the storm. Days filled with anxiety and unrecognized fear, two things that when combined are a cocktail for Anger and Frustration and Heartache. Despite abundant sunshine, my days were filled with a thick haze that precedes a storm. My nights interrupted by persistent, yet unusual, lightening … Read More