A Bittersweet Birthday

Annah Elizabeth Leave a Comment

Last month I received a Save the Date notice from a friend whose son was born exactly one week before Gavin.

I couldn’t help but smile at how rugged and manly this young man has become. How handsome he was standing next to his glowing bride-to-be.

And then, a fleeting sadness passed over me.

Ha… Each thought of Gavin’s birthday—today—has brought a smile to my face, but as I typed that last line, another passing sadness washed over me…

I will never see those bulging biceps, that look of starry-eyed love, nor that budding maturity in my eldest son.

Oh, I am confident of what he looks like, but I will never actually see him in the flesh, never be able to stand on my tiptoes to kiss his hairy cheek and wrap my arms around his neck.

Okay, that sentence has brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.

I miss him. I will always miss him.

But I will never stop loving him.

And now, I smile, again, for I will also never feel the slight sting of rejection, “Mom, you’re annoying me,” if I were to tousle his mop of hair after hugging him.

Bittersweet…it’s a bittersweet sort of a day…

Twenty-two years ago on Friday, May 11, the air was cold and damp and wet, chilling-to-the-bone.

But today, the sun couldn’t be sitting any brighter in the sky, the trees are in early bloom, and the lawns have already been mowed several times.

Round-bellied robins have been flitting across my lawn all morning, and earlier a baby hummingbird came to the freshly-filled feeder outside of my office window.

Tonight, one of my children has a school event, and the other is working at her new job.

It’ll be too late to go to dinner and the cemetery as we usually do, so we’ve decided on a late night trip to the local ice cream parlor.

I sent my college kid a note with money to go do something fun, to celebrate his successful year in college and his brother’s birthday.

After our dessert, my husband and I will likely sit in the hot tub.

Last night we saw several shooting stars…

And now this piece comes full circle…

You see, I had planned on just a quick blurb, and to share the link to the post I made around Gavin’s twentieth birthday.

I have always been fond of this piece, and I love the images and feelings the title,  At the Helm of a Shooting Star, conjures.

I will never look at shooting stars the same…

Happy birthday, Gavin! Have a safe and happy ride!

Soon…

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