Journeyers, I have a confession. After Warren’s last affair I began piling away a secret stash. Cold hard cash that no one knows about but me. No one. Well, I guess given that declaration, no one but all of you, my fellow Journeyers… I can thank my lucky stone that there aren’t too many of you, huh? I hid it … Read More
I’m Sad
Two days ago I was so mad it gave me a rare, pounding headache. The kind that makes your eyes bulge and your entire body hurt. And last night I was the kind of sad that brings giant crocodile tears. The kind that builds towers out of snotty tissues. I’m sad because I realized, yesterday, for the first time … Read More
I’m Mad
I’m mad. Not in the mental sense, though that could be arguable, as much as I’m in my head. I’m just ill-tempered. Have been from the time I walked out the door and saw what last night’s freeze did to my plants. To the flowers that have brought me so much joy. Slumped over like defeated souls, petals heavy … Read More
Motherhood and a Week of Wondrous Moments
“The story of a mother’s life: Trapped between a scream and a hug.” ~Cathy Guisewite Twenty-three years ago, today, I lay broken in a hospital bed. Forty-eight hours after giving birth to my firstborn. My room was filled with brightly colored flowers, symbols of celebration and sadness. I wailed when I opened the Mother’s Day card a friend sent … Read More
Trash, Twenty-Three Candles, Heavenly Hugs, and a Pizza
Today, we celebrated my eldest’s twenty-third birthday. For some reason, this one is the most dreamlike. Big Guy, Warren, and I sat in the hot tub last night, figuring out how we were going to shape Gavin’s special day. I’ve been listening all week to advertisements for our city’s annual, Downtown cleanup event. I’ve accompanied my children and swept many … Read More
What’s in a Miracle?
Photo via Sharlie’s Angels Miracle is such a tough word for those of us who have faced destruction and devastation. The miraculous is usually attributed to some variation of God’s Will, Plan, or Divine Intervention. In the wake of Gavin’s death and Warren’s subsequent affair, I hoped for a miracle of my own. Not your typical pleas for health, wealth, … Read More
To Boston, Bostonians, and a Bereaved World
You don’t know me, but I love you. My arms are reaching out to wrap you in a warm, tight embrace. There are no words. No words that will help, and yet I am compelled to tell you that, absurd as it sounds, someday it will be okay, if you keep choosing healing, keep fitting the pieces of your own … Read More
Shoring Up Life’s Threads
“I’m glad to hear you are alright. Karen’s husband died last night so at least there is some good news. It’s been bad all morning.” That was the note returned to me after I texted a coworker to let her know how my surgery went last Friday. The message stayed with me, even through the grogginess of anesthesia … Read More
On Overcoming Loss and Suffering
The holidays can be an especially difficult time for those who are coping with a past loss or are reeling with fresh grief. My heart is heavy for all whose sadness is raw right now.And, yet, the knowledge that we all have the ability to achieve healing lifts me up.I hope this message brings some form of comfort to you, or … Read More
All I Want for Christmas Is…
How would you fill in the blank?All I want for Christmas is_______. “All I need is my son back.” These words from a man whose son died last week. The day after he came home from surgery to repair a birth defect in his heart. The day after he turned twenty-one-years old. A short time after his brother … Read More