Happy Sunday, Journeyer,
It has been a rough two weeks, a sort of calm before the storm.
Days filled with anxiety and unrecognized fear, two things that when combined are a cocktail for Anger and Frustration and Heartache.
Despite abundant sunshine, my days were filled with a thick haze that precedes a storm.
My nights interrupted by persistent, yet unusual, lightening bolt awakenings and unsettling dreams.
Rejection shadowed a number of relationships and touched on those yet-resolved Borderline Personality traits.
No matter how hard I tried to understand how Fave and Beauty are of that breaking-away age, clinging to that thought like a tree’s roots in a storm, I couldn’t talk myself out of that dark place.
Time and time again I forced back the floodgates of my heartbreak, confusion, and fear.
By Wednesday the stress had finally taken its toll and I ended up staying home from work with my stomach twisted into knots that threatened to force its contents from both ends.
Unaware of our planet’s impending climate catastrophe, I watched my own Hurricane Matthew unfold before my very eyes.
Just like weather patterns, our own personal tempest’s will either fizzle out, detour, or crack wide open.
Just when I thought I might split apart, this little voice guided me to remember that the months of August, September, and October tend to be hard for me.
I thought about the miscarriage that first began with microscopic spotting the doctor said I need not worry about, only to discover a few weeks later as Warren and I celebrated with friends at a local volunteer fire department’s annual fundraiser that my pregnancy was, indeed, failing.
I thought about the severe depression that ultimately left me sitting in our cold storage facility feeling emotionally bankrupt and confident that all of the conversations running around in my head were sure signs that my brain had been fried by some electrical mishap.
Requesting Hubby to drive me to the local psychiatric ward where I’d spend the next six weeks.
I mentioned my recent distress and the revelation to my sis, a wise soul who always seems to have something up her sleeve.
” They could be trigger months for you,” she said.
I’m no stranger to “emotional triggers,” and yet I never, ever considered that we could have an entire quarter of a year to contend with.
And as I talked to her I remembered a few other losses that sparked Autumn grief…
It was a crisp fall day when I spotted Warren and The (first) Other Woman-my best friend-and had this feeling that there was something more than friendship between them.
Warren’s October vasectomy, something I didn’t want him to do because I wanted more children, but agreed to sign off on because I wanted to believe him when he said it wouldn’t be wise for us to conceive again, especially given my previous pregnancy problems.
I believe it was a late fall day when I received the phone call that my parents were divorcing.
And for all of us who believe in the possibility our souls can live many lifetimes, on Wednesday I drew the Persecution card from Doreen Virtue’s Past Life Oracle deck.
I’ve joked for years that had I lived during that era, I likely would have been burned at the stake, an unfortunate series of events that occurred in Salem, MA during the months of August through October.
Trigger months for sure.
But here’s the beautiful thing about darkness:
[Tweet theme=”basic-white”]Light is always, ALWAYS on each side of the darkness. ALWAYS.[/Tweet]
No matter the circumstances behind our grief or heartache, there will always come a break in the clouds.
As I type, many of our neighbors are emerging from the black holes caused by electrical outages and are beginning to assess the damage caused by Hurricane Matthew.
As the shock, terror, confusion, and sadness begin to subside, some will find silver linings while many more will find small pieces that can be salvaged from the rubble.
Mixed in with the tears that flow like torrents will be a few laughs, smiles, and moments of thanks.
Fleeting moments that will feed their Happy, even in the face of adversity and hardship.
That is the way of Happy, Journeyer, for it is a collection of all those big and small moments that make us smile, feel loved or warm or peace.
In the midst of my own personal storm, Happy found me in the form of walks with my dog…
colorful and crunchy leaves making music as they raced across a parking lot…
a horizon filled with a full palette of orange, purple, red, yellow, and golden hues…
crickets and my deck chimes…
a delivery of some new Tarot cards, which spurred on my first Facebook Live! video…
another trip to the chiropractor to realign my spine and the sacroiliac joint that keeps popping out…
a nighttime soak in our hot tub…
after playing phone tag for weeks, a leisurely conversation with an aunt…
plucking the dead flowers from my mums; a practice that prepares the emerging buds…
sitting with our fifteen-year-old Harry, a robust, single-toothed feline with half an ear but who always has his purr going…
the continued Reiki collaboration with our West-coast neighbor, Sharon of Grief Reiki…
Distance Integrated Energy Therapy® sessions for others and Empowerment sessions on myself…
preparing for my upcoming Master-Instructor IET® this coming weekend!…
seeing the smiles on Big Guy’s teammates’ faces when I presented them with a post-game treat of homemade, Pumpkin Spice, Cream-cheese filled muffins…
connecting with a few of you who reached out…
and the feeling of peace and refurbishment that I felt once I recognized and honored those past traumas that had created my Trigger Months.
As The Five Steps of Healing teaches us, resolution is a choice and choosing vitality is one of the ways we keep moving forward.
I’ve taken a proactive stance to change what has been by putting a note in my calendar for next August, a gentle reminder to be alert to a change in my emotions and evidence that I can alter the course of my own path by making the unconscious conscious.
What about you, Journeyer? What moment(s) helped you weather your internal or external storms last week?
Share some Happy news with your neighbors?
Until next time, yours in hope, healing, and happiness,