Happy Sunday, Journeyer!
Much of this past week was spent worrying and fretting over my workplace saga.
The sort of stress that brings with it interrupted sleep, headaches, and queasy stomachs.
But here’s the thing I learned on Friday: We are always supported, no matter what.
I have a solid performance history, but I couldn’t help but feel anxious about a meeting of unknown topics that I was being asked to attend, especially in light of recent events.
Thursday night I discovered that the most recent support person I’ve been reaching out to might be disallowed to sit in on the meeting, which further heightened my tension.
Knowing that I had to change my dialogue from one of feeling helpless to one of courage and strength, I remembered the energy work I had done at the Kripalu Center a few weeks back.
I couldn’t remember her exact words, so I paraphrased what I thought the energy worker said to me.
I am strong. The solar plexus chakra.
I am whole.
I am supported. The crown chakra and the Law of Unity.
I imagined my angels and spirit guides and my Gavin surrounding me in love and light and a knowing that I could handle whatever unknown might be tossed at me.
I’m not sure I’ve written about this yet, but I had a recent conversation with counselor Ess about my fear of falling backwards into the unknown.
This conversation arose following one of the speeches at the Clarity Connects 2016 event. One of the speakers talked about a team building exercise where a person stands on a picnic table and falls backwards into the hands of her activity partners.
When I told Ess that the idea of falling backwards into the unknown scared the hell out of me, she asked a couple of questions, one of which was whether there was a safety net or not.
Though my thoughts were screaming I don’t know, my lips let slip a simple “No.”
My feet hadn’t even hit the top step leading to my car before I began questioning why I didn’t answer authentically.
Because I don’t know seems lame.
As I do, I began asking myself more questions.
Why does it seem lame or silly? Because it’s like a child’s response and indecisive.
What is it about I don’t know that makes me uncomfortable? That’s when it hit me.
I am not afraid to take the leap, to try something new, or to blaze new trails. Likewise, though I know it won’t be pleasant, I’m not afraid of hitting the ground because I know one thing for sure. It. Is. Going. To. Hurt.
But for a planner like me, someone who is always trying to prepare for the best or the worst and everything in between, a person who does these things because she tells herself over and over and over again that she isn’t quick on her feet and has a hard time being accurate and articulate when put on the spot? The unknown is TERRIFYING.
And then I remembered the life purpose that presented itself to me when I read Dan Millman’s The Life You Were Born to Live book.
Trust in myself. Trust in others. Trust in the universe.
In that moment I envisioned myself free-falling from the sky and could feel invisible arms/wings catching me.
The universe has your back.
I’ve been replaying that image and those words, my way of creating a new dialogue and a new response to all things eerily unknown.
Trust makes me happy.
So Thursday night, on the way home from a comedy event Warren and I attended and all Friday morning I repeated my new mantra: I am strong. I am whole. I am supported.
A close friend with whom I’d shared my distress sent me this meme first thing Friday morning, along with a personal note of encouragement.
A fourth line for my mantra.
I am strong.
I am whole.
I am supported.
I am the storm.
Arriving at the site, I imagined an entourage of spirit support moving into the building ahead of me and I knew that no matter what happened I was not alone and that I shared in the collective strength that is a unique part of my life…of all our lives, Journeyer…
Confidence and camaraderie make me happy.
Other things that fed my happy?
The weather outside was sunny with a side of warmth here and there!
Tulips and lilacs that are sprouting new life!
Dinner and doggie obedience date night with Warren.
I found my first toad of the year! I had taken Patches out for the last potty of the night when I spotted him in our driveway. I figure he hadn’t been out of hibernation for too long because his body was cold. When I stroked his back the bubble in his chin bulged out and he croaked a loud song for me.
This little critter reminded me of my children and a favorite pastime they never really outgrew.
Candy Crush. Level one-thousand. “Another one bites the dust, uh-huh,” I sang to Warren with a big grin on my face. and a silly swing in my hips.
Warmth and laughter and smiles and memories and progress make me happy.
Taking the time to update and re-post one of my all-time favorite letters to you and then to submit it, What Kind of Mother Has No Child for consideration in the BlogHer voices of the year search.
It’s such an important message, Journeyer; please consider reading and sharing with everyone you know! Print it out. Hand it out and hang it everywhere you deem appropriate. You might just change someone’s life.
Helping others heal makes me happy.
I enjoyed the last session in the Intuitive Tarot reading class I took. The teacher brought in people for free readings and can I tell you how good it felt to touch on specific aspects and phrases that my two readees use in real life, when I didn’t know a thing about them?
Yesterday Warren and I attended one of Beauty’s beau’s events. The day started out cold, dreary, and drizzling rain, but it ended with clear skies and sunshine that soaked in clear to my bones.
It was nice to take a little road trip and to focus on something warm and fuzzy for a change. It was equally nice to be able to meet and hang out with this wonderful young man’s family.
Warren and I slept in, had a lovely breakfast, and made plans to go away for a few days this week!
No work for nine glorious days, Journeyer!
I’m looking forward to this much needed break and to leisurely jaunts through the streets of Boston and Salem, Massachusetts.
Time off and time together makes me happy.
What about you, Journeyer? What moment(s) helped you weather your week, brought a smile to your face, or warmed your heart? Share something in the comment below and spread some smiles!
Until we meet again, yours in hope, healing, and happiness,