Happy Sunday, Journeyer!
This week’s title comes to you from this week’s marriage counseling session.
I haven’t written anything about that part of mine and Hubby’s relationship for many, many months.
Here’s why: The last time I did, a beloved reader questioned me about sharing this sort of information and shared her concerns about how discussing our marital work might somehow inhibit or do damage to any current or future progress.
She touched a sensitive nerve, Journeyer, a spot that I have worked hard to protect and be mindful of for nearly two decades.
I strive to be discreet yet honest, cautious yet to take leaps of faith, compassionate yet reflective, and public yet with a layer of privacy…
For those of us who share our stories with the hope of helping to heal a world of hurt, the timing of our stories can be so relevant. When we are closer to a situation, we are able to be more precise about its full impact on us.
That said, it’s always advisable to “Take 5” before spewing all sorts of indignation or hurt…
The last post I wrote, however, wasn’t about that at all and was, instead, about sharing one of our counselor’s worksheets on Letting Go and my reflections on the subject at hand.
This week has been another nutty one, Journeyer. It was a week filled with trying to take care of the many obligations I had at home and work, holiday shopping and wrapping, and preparing myself to be gone from home for nine days.
Why would I be leaving home for nine days before Christmas you ask? Because Fave is scheduled to have surgery to reconstruct his ACL and he’s going to need care. That’s why.
And who better to provide care than a mother?
In the middle of my work week and Christmas lights and Christmas movies and a living room that appeared as if Christmas had thrown up on every hard or plush surface, Warren and I had our Wednesday morning group session with our counselors.
Since there wasn’t anything pressing to discuss, we talked about those areas that we can be more conscientious of, those glitches that tend to show up in random places and random times, but regardless of the timing, they keep showing up and taking us off our marital feet.
Taking space is something we’ve talked about.
Warren, who in the past avoided conflict like the plague, is very good at taking space.
The male counselor in our group session once remarked that “The person who asks to take space has the responsibility of coming back to the discussion.”
In other words, whoever wants the time out should be the one to reopen the conversation.
Me, a person who likes to be up front and honest and one who doesn’t mind a lively talk or two, has had a hard time allowing that space to be had while wondering if and when the talks would resume.
Honestly, Journeyer, it’s been my experience that more often than not our conflict with others stems from some sort of miscommunication or misunderstanding, those things of which often stem from some form of fear or personalization (which often stems from some type of fear.)
Included in our trepidation, Warren fears conflict; I fear abandonment.
Motivational guru, Bob Proctor, once said, “Faith and Fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose.”
As Warren and I talked in our meeting, the silly thought came to my mind that we should put little signs or sticky notes around the house that say things like, “Need 5?” “Take 5.” “Be Back in 5.”
I smiled as I imagined these lighthearted, inconspicuous yet regular reminders that we both have the right to take space and the responsibility to resume the reconciliation process.
Journeyer, there’s little that makes me happier than having hearty relationships in my life. And the way to that goodness isn’t to think that there will never be strife between us and the people we love, rather it is in the knowing that we have trust and faith that we can work through any problems we might have.
Happy relationships are a little like that Take 5 candy bar.
They consist of crunchy, creamy, salty, gooey, and rich, sweet goodness layers, all mixed together to form one mouthful of deliciousness.
In other happy news, we reached another hurdle in the pooch/kitty saga and actually had Patches off leash and only a few feet from one of our cats. The dog didn’t chase and the cat didn’t run.
The choice between Faith and Fear work for our four-legged friends, too!
We’ve much more work to do before we can turn them totally loose together, but we are making headway, and that definitely feeds my happy!
I’m happy for my employer’s understanding of this unexpected time off from work, grateful for the staff members who facilitated this leave, and thankful that I can allocate some of my sick days to a family illness.
Warren and I purchased a new-to-us SUV, just in time for our southern trip for the holidays. Our old gal, Bessie (in honor of my mother’s father, who called his trusty old truck by that name) has 249,000 miles on her! She deserves a break, don’t you think?
Attendees from my session at the North Carolina Social Work conference have been subscribing to The Five Facets site! And the surveys they filled out gave me both validation that I’m on the right path and some suggestions that will help me make future presentations and this work that much stronger.
I am happy to have had a nice, albeit long, day of travel yesterday; I’m grateful for the pilots, flight attendants, and the people who made my fourteen-hour trip a pleasant one, and I am delighted with the home-like comforts and the view from my Hampton Garden Inn room.
Lastly, I am thankful for you, Journeyer. I am thankful for your courage to heal, for the hope that fills your heart, and for all of those happy moments you share with me day in and day out. You feed my happy!
What about you, Journeyer? What moment(s) fed your happy last week! Please take a second and share something in a comment below! You never know how something you consider so simple might just change someone else’s mood!
Until we meet again, yours in hope, healing, and happiness,