Ask Annah: I’m Not the Same Since My Loss. How Do I Get Back to “The Old Me?”

Annah Elizabeth Ask Annah, Loss, Grief, and Healing, Mental Health 0 Comments

Dearest Neighbor,

“How do I get The Old Me back?” is a question I hear in many scenarios but most often when one of our fellow journeyers has faced a significant life loss.

“My loss has changed me” and “I’ll never be the same again” are two common comments people make following a tragic or chaotic life event.

What happens is we begin thinking, talking, and acting as if this change is somehow “bad,” or that we are somehow “less than” we were before.

The Old Me is often associated with emotions like failure, regret, disappointment, loss, grief, or [insert your whatever.]

If you have found yourself wishing “The Old Me” back, here are some things I learned along the way, observations that have helped hundreds of our neighbors find resolution in their conflict and grief.

Firstly, we are changing and evolving every day. Our bodies are sloughing off dead skin cells, shedding body hairs and making new ones. People leave our social environments. Relationships have an ebb and flow of conflict and “making up.”

We are in a constant state of adapting to an ever changing physical environment and personal state of being. Our thoughts shift from negative to positive and back again.

Most days we are learning something, even if it is merely the name of a new acquaintance.

All these changes combine to create a constant change from who you were to who you are.

We seldom lament those things that have changed us in big and small ways.

The Five Facets Philosophy on Healing begins by helping you realize that one of the patterns that holds you in grief conflict is the act of comparison.

There are three forms of comparison: comparing yourself to others; comparing yourself to your previous self; and comparing yourself to some perceived self.

When you are constantly looking in the proverbial rear-view mirror with a desire to return to The Old Me, you inhibit your ability to move forward because you are trying to turn back the clock.

What if you were to shift your focus to what you want in the future and create ways to make that happen?

Instead of saying things like “I want The Old Me back,” what if you were to create a vision for The Future Me? This future you incorporates everything that you are, an intersection of sorts where your past stops and your dreams begin.

The Future Me is filled with hope, promise, wonder, excitement, creativity, adventure and self discovery.

The future you is a fluid and flexible you, one filled with the beauty of achieving whatever success you want for your highest healing and best self across your academic, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual facets.

The future you stems from a place of growth and positivity.

Imagine the possibilities, Neighbor!!

I’d love to know what your vision of The New You might look! Share in a comment below?

Yours in hope, healing, and happiness,

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